I have tried a few different types of brushes for my teeth. I hate them all.

I’ve tried the finger brush. This one at least has soft bristles, but I hate it when there’s a finger in my mouth. Period.

Finger Brush for Cats' Teeth

This one has hard bristles, and I like biting on it, but, hell, it doesn’t reach all my teeth unless I take my good ol’ time with it. I don’t LIKE TO BRUSH MY TEETH. I want this over as fast and as painlessly as possible.

Cat Tooth Brush

I thought this next one, QuadBrush, made by Bamboo Care, would solve all my problems. It’s bristles feel soft, and the package reads “Fast & Easy! 3 bristle heads surround teeth to clean in one motion”. Sounds too good to be true, and by damn it WAS too good to be true.

This tooth brush was engineered by someone who has apparently never spent any length of time looking into the mouth of a cat. It’s as if this toothbrush has TEETH OF ITS OWN!!

evil cat toothbrush

The way this brush is shaped, it was impossible to reach anything, especially the back teeth, because it just didn’t fit in my mouth. And the plastic edges of the brush rubbed up against my gums, and made them bleed.

And what the HELL is the round brush in the back supposed to do? Unless I were to hold the brush completely upright, there is no way the other edges wouldn’t interfere with the shape of my mouth and rub up against my mouth. Even if someone holds me down and tries to reach my teeth, you can only reach the front of the teeth, and even, though only the front of the mouth, since the back teeth are at an angle. Stupid, stupid toothbrush.

stupidest cat toothbrush

This is the package it came in. I advise you to save your money. Maybe I’ll try a regular human toothbrush next time. [Tip for cats out there trying to be beautiful: don't use human toothpaste, you have to use special cat toothpaste. Plus, it tastes 1000 times better!]

quad tooth brush for cats

Notice how the cat on this package looks like she’s fearing for her life. AHHHHH, NO MORE QUAD BRUSH!!!